heartsteals | AWASH IC INBOX

[ The contact does surprise them, but they don't react, other than a slight relaxing of their shoulders. All they want for now it to run away from everything this revelation had thrown into question, to hide behind him and have him and his kindness towards them be enough. It's selfish, maybe, but it's also survival, too - the stability from him really is like a lifeline, in the moment, one they won't let slip through their fingers, even if they can't yet tell the full effects of their change.

Right now, it's enough to know there's even one person who won't write them off, who doesn't want to see them hurt. It's enough to know at the very least that to him, they're not better off completely gone or as a substitute. ]

...Okay. [ They agree, albeit with some shame, their heart heavy with unspoken memories from winters past. He doesn't know the full weight making that kind of promise has, to them, but they make it anyway. ] I won't.

[ Only because they had to this time - that's what they want to believe, that there won't be any more reasons to do so in the future. For the time being, they seem unwilling to release their grip on him, despite their hesitance before. They were wrong to long to avoid him after seeing what they had - they should have ran to him. They can't be alone right now. ]

[ He doesn't know the full weight, no, but he has a sense for it. He's seen how ready they are to hurt themselves all the time. Even if they can be put back together -- Lupin knows them well enough to guess that it's not all practicality. Cairngorm has made it clear in the past that they take promises seriously. He just has to have faith they'll take this one to heart, too.

For now, they're safe. They're getting better, if what they say is true. And, so far, they're still the jewel he fell in love with. That's enough for him. With their grip on his wrists, his range of movement is a little limited, but he tries to stand back up again - though he won't pull away from their hands, merely letting his own slip back into them as he moves to sit beside Cairngorm instead. ]

Thank you. [ his response is gentle and honest. This, too, is an expression of how much they've opened up to him, how much they're willing to trust him with, and it doesn't escape him. ] Then I'll promise you that I'll be here as long as you'll have me.

[ as long as he can make it last - he thinks again of how he'd asked them to come with him, but the thought is dismissed quickly. That's the last thing they need to be contemplating now. ]

... This fellow you saw in the lake. You're sure he was telling the truth? I've never once suspected there was anything wrong with you.

[ maybe his affections clouded his sight, but Lupin likes to think his senses are more keen than that. Then again, Cairngorm isn't even human. ]

[ Feeling his hands slip into theirs, they feel compelled to squeeze his hands tighter, to hold onto him as tightly as his fragile hands would allow. But, as it stands, it's probably too dangerous to do that now; they'd had the buffer of his sleeves before, but now all that stands between their jagged fingers and his soft skin are thin gloves, ones that they can't even see the state of. Even amidst everything, they think first of being careful with him, just like they've always been. ]

...I think it was the truth. [ They admit, shaking their head. ] He said that Ghost's last wish made me too cooperative towards Phosphophyllite. That I'm "bound" by a loyalty to them.

[ Truthfully, if their eyes had the effect of making them follow Phos's wishes, and to a greater extent, follow Ghost's wish to do whatever necessary to protect them, it would be an explanation for why they'd always felt so trapped by their obligations. Cairngorm is the type to just accept the duties thrust onto them - maybe that's why they couldn't tell the difference between getting asked by Ghost, and being made to do it by Ghost. It's not a happy explanation, and it only makes them feel more lonely at the prospect of spending an additional 100 years under the instructions of someone else. But, maybe knowing this now is a chance to break away from it. ]

Maybe that's why I... [ For a moment, they trail off, looking lost despite their damaged features. It's always hard to talk about themself, but it's the only way to make sense of this. ] Why I feel like I have to go back, have to do all of it. All so I can do what they told me to do.

[ And maybe they really don't have to go back, don't have to keep agreeing to Phos's insane plans against their best judgment, don't have to keep feeling like they're always failing, always need to do more or be more. That person, whoever they were, was right - it's just exhausting. ]

[ maybe they'll find it a comfort that he squeezes their hands, instead, especially as they start looking more dejected the more they speak. Listening and understanding's about all he can do right now, so he does his best to comfort them, jagged edges be damned. Lupin hums in acknowledgement when they finish.

He's still not sure. He's naturally suspicious, considering the effect this guy's words had on Cairngorm. As tough as they are on the outside, he knows their emotional state could be quite fragile if someone decided to pick at them the wrong way - this is proof enough that a few words can be enough to turn them to self-destruction, even if those words are true. But maybe he's being overprotective. Neither of them know the situation, after all...

(he takes such care to protect that vulnerability of theirs - seeing someone split them open in such a painful way makes him angry, no matter how he might try to rationalize it.) ]

Well, it could certainly be part of it. [ But Lupin keeps his doubts to himself. ] Only time will tell. You've got to heal up first -- your heart, not your head.

[ although he'd like to fix their face a little, too. He cants his head to the side just slightly, gazing at their punctured profile. ]

... Can you still see that way? Probably not, right?

[ They're actually grateful that he doesn't prod into the issue of them returning or not any further; as much as they're thinking about what this means for a life-changing decision like that, they know that if asked again by him now to leave everything behind and follow him to Steel London, they still wouldn't be able to give a definitive, straightforward answer. They just don't know enough about what's going on - only that this shook them, and that they don't want to be left by themself. They'd only wanted to voice that they have doubts about any of their decision making prior... ]

Not really. [ As if to signify this, they only move their face towards the general direction of where his voice is coming from, light skimming across the revealed dark crystal. ] Gem sight is naturally weak - without eyes.

[ What does that mean for them, without an immediate way to get replacements? They don't know. They've collected a mass of colorless crystals in their time in Chroma - coughing them up, taking them from that palace. And yet, they doubt any are compatible with them and their pitifully weak inclusions. This, too, scares them - living in this place without sight and being unable to protect themself or him. Though, it's not enough fear for them to feel regret over doing what they had as soon as they were able. Their thumb moves against the back of his fingers nervously, helplessly, even, unable to return his gesture, yet still wanting to feel him there, to return something. ]

Yeah, I figured as much.

[ but he had to check. As close as they are, he still doesn't understand a lot of things about their biology - he's no Victor. Lupin hums in thought, leaning back against the couch slightly. Their sudden blindness is troubling all by itself, even without the extra baggage, and he thinks along similar lines to them. They're usually so strong. Suddenly, they seem very vulnerable - and not in the way he's fond of when it comes to Cairngorm. He already decided he'd stick close to them while this is going on, but it's not right for a proud gem like them to need to be so dependent on him for the foreseeable future.

The nice thing is that their body can be fixed. The mental damage will take time, but maybe he can help with the physical. ]

I know you said you can't use the old ones again - what if you had new ones?

If the pieces got taken out and replaced, then it would be fine.

[ They're pretty sure none of Ghost's inclusions could have leaked into the base eye... so it's only the shards that are a problem. There's no doubt that they'll need replacements eventually - they don't want to be blind forever, afterall, even if they're willing to do so if it means separating permanently - but the feasibility of it is a different thing entirely. ]

That is, if there is crystal here that is compatible and safe to use. I haven't been able to figure that out..

[ In the end, they're not a doctor, nor do they know if the crystals that come from the earth here are cursed with evil magic energy or something bizarre like that. They would've used a wish for replacement material if the thought that they might have to replace something later on had occurred to them. ]

[ the answer, uncertain as it is, rings positive to his ears. He nods to himself. For all his jewel handling, Lupin's never actually tested his skills at crafting them -- but he's more than willing to try for Cairngorm's sake. This is something he can do to help. Eyes are small enough to start with, right? ]

All right. Got it.

[ they're smart, so they probably already know what he's thinking about, provided their thoughts aren't completely chaotic at the moment (a real possibility.) ]

In that case, I'll just have to make some new ones for you - better ones.

[ it's said with as much certainty as ever, the smile on his face evident in his tone, even if it's invisible to them. ]

[ It makes their brows tilt up with concern, the expression more familiar despite the dark expanse on their face where their eyes should be. When they think about it, it never feels fair whenever he sets out to do something like this for them, and that makes them worry. Worry that he'll get fed up with it eventually. ]

...Can you do that?

[ Is it possible? His job does have an awful lot to do with jewels. Their voice, while uncertain, is strained with the tension of gratitude, of reluctant reliance. They do need to rely on him for this one thing - there's just not anyone else who could even do it for them...their shoulders slacken, surrendering themself to believing in him, even though doing so brings a weight of guilt. ]

Mm, I can. For you? I can do anything.

[ as they slump, his hold on their hand strengthens, leaning his shoulder against theirs. He's not used to seeing them so frail and scared -- it makes him want to be bigger, stronger, more reliable, and he has the conviction to do so. They're hesitant to depend on others, even him, even now. But that's fine. If they can't ask for support, he's more than willing to offer it to them on his own. ]

If you said the word, I'd snatch the stars from the sky and bring them to you, Cairngorm. A couple of eyes is no problem at all.

[ not just the physical parts he's replacing, but everything they represent - feelings that aren't theirs, an identity they're not sure of... They'll get through it. That's the message in his voice, an undercurrent of faith and patience. He'll find the answer with them, just as he promised. ]

... Although you may have to do some waiting. This level of Lupin magic is going to take a bit of time.

[ They know he's just being dramatic like usual. But his dramatism when it comes to matters of the heart is more comforting than usual, here, even if their tense expression doesn't change. ]

I can wait.

[ Whatever length of time they need to - it's a small price to pay for a chance at freedom. A part of them doubts that this is "no problem at all," especially for someone who's never fashioned a new gem part before, but they also doubt that he's showing any inkling of uncertainty about being able to perform the task on his expression. That's just the way he is - they know that, still. ]

Just... don't go too far for it. [ Like going into the forest. Even their eyeballs aren't worth that. They pull his hand closer to them, as if to emphasize what they say. ] Please.

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